Friday, June 17, 2011
losing grip /11:08 AM
I've been lazy and pretty incoherent with my blog updating, but there are just so many thoughts I have and sometimes I just can't find the right words to list them all down, and sometimes I just don't feel like doing so.
I'm guilty for always keeping my thoughts inside of me and just bottling up the emotions, one after another. I don't know when this bottle of emotions will crack and shatter from overflow, but I can feel the pressure. I don't even know how to release my emotions anymore, and I may be starting to lose my ability to cry it out.
This pain in my heart, is not just another ordinary pain. It's worse than the scars you get physically; these emotional scars continue to burn day by day and the flame can always be reignited several years down the road, just so that you feel the pain again.
It is a pain of heartbreak, something which I thought I wouldn't have to face again. Something which I had so strongly believed it, but it has failed me 4 times. I hate how that number will only increase and leave a mark as I try to move on.
It is a pain of feeling other people's heartbreak, when I see others around me crumble. I hate myself for being so sensitive sometimes, such that I can feel how others feel, and sometimes it is because of this that I somehow want others to be able to appreciate my feelings too, which never really happens.
I just feel like a fool in life. A fool that will never learn. A fool that will continue to trust people even though he has been hurt many times before. A fool that will give in to whatever people want and not live for himself. A fool that can give people great advice and help them move on, but is stuck at the very same place he was left behind. A fool in believing what is fact or fiction.
I tried.
0streetboi zac|