Wednesday, August 12, 2009
L.O.V.E. is just another word i'll never learn to pronounce /2:47 PM
I fucking hate this world. I HATE HAVING TO FIGHT FOR EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I WANT.
I've done so much to try to achieve the best of everything. I give and give and give, from the bottom of my heart. I hate not having anything in return, sometimes not even the simple gratitude. I hate always being the replacement and having to play second fiddle to the things that I want. I hat being constantly maligned and accused for things I either didn't intended or even did.
I hate having to have such a pessimistic outlook on life at times. Trust me, I really hate it. I hate having nothing much to write about but rant about how my life sucks. I'm tired. But there's nothing that gives me a reason not to. Nothing has ever made me feel more confident of myself. Everything I do only serves a purpose in destroying me altogether. Everything seems so hard for me to achieve. I have received critiques for everything I do. Everything I do is always wrong. Nothing I do ends up right. AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! When I try to explain myself, no one listens. When I shut up, people think I'm some
dumbass fool.
I've learnt to control my temper since secondary 3. I thought it would be better for me. Yes, it proved to be better for me. On the outside, that is. But deep down inside, my anger just keeps building up and I never really released it. In fact, I don't remember the last time I really blew my top and erupted into a huge fury. This is coming from a person who has flipped a whole classroom table before. Yes. I FLIPPED A DAMN CLASSROOM TABLE BEFORE BECAUSE MY FRIEND TOTALLY PISSED ME OFF.
I've been dormant for almost 4 years now. I don't know when the doomsday will come, but at the rate all these things are annoying me, I WILL ERUPT SOON.
Can some bloody hell of a person understand all this shit I have to go through? I am a human being too, in case no one ever realized this fact. I have my emotional needs too, and I gave up a hell lot of it already. I'm not about to give up any much more of it. Call me selfish all you want. I think I need to start thinking about myself too.
And yes, I'm sick of the whole world telling me sorry for something that won't make me feel better or is unlikely to change the whole situation anyway. Sorry has been overused and overrated. I don't even believe the meaning of sorry now. Goodbye whatever sympathy and empathy I've had to this fucked up world.
It's always about other people. I never really get what I want at all. Why don't people start thinking about what I want? I'm tired of having to follow and wait for my turn, which probably never comes anyway.
For all those indifferent and apathetic idiots out there, it's not cool to keep breaking your promises. I thought you were my closer friends. Maybe we were never meant to be. For those who can never understand the shit teens these days have to go through, I swear I will be the next generation of parents (dad for that matter -- I'm emphasizing this for a reason) that will TRULY take into account the welfare of my skills. And stop bloody showing off how smart you are. For those hypocrites, fuck you. I have nothing
else to say to you.
AND FUCK. It's prom and I don't get to sit with my girlfriend?!
This world is sick. I don't even know what my purpose in this life is anymore.
0streetboi zac|
